I think about sex a lot
ASA sister, I am college age woman, and I am having trouble with keeping my thoughts halal, I keep thinking about sex a lot. Every guy – i see I first think whether I am attracted to him or not and then my mind wanders further. I don’t do anything, but I wish I would stop thinking like this. I feel like it affects my interactions with guys and that is half the human population so…
I teach a Qur’an class, and today’s lesson was on Surat Qasas, and there were two ayat that hit me. I’ve read and listened to this Surah many times, alhamdulilah, but it’s amazing how certain things just leap out at you.
For those who do not know, Musa’s (Moses) mother was told by God how to save her child from Pharaoh’s soldiers who wanted to kill him [Musa], with:
“And so, [when he was born,] We inspired [thus] the mother of Moses: ‘Suckle him [for a time], and then, when thou hast cause to fear for him. cast him into the river, and have no fear and do not grieve - for We shall restore him to thee, and shall make him one of Our message-bearers!’” [28:7]
Look at this: God is telling Musa’s mother, “don’t worry, I’m going to take care of him, I’m going to make him a Prophet, his future is bright, so don’t stress, I mean… c’mon, I’m God… You should probably trust Me.” Okay, maybe the last part isn’t there exactly, but again, God is reassuring her.
Think about it: God is telling her this, that He’s going to bring Musa back to her, that Musa’s future is as a Prophet of God, and so what you’d expect is that his mother would click her heels and just shrug it all off.
That’s how we pretend that the figures in The Qur’an deal with the tough times they have.
But that’s not what happens, it’s a tough situation to be in, she’s parted with her infant son, she’s been through trauma, she’s worried about him, why? Because she’s a mother. So what does The Qur’an say?
"On the morrow, however, an aching void grew up in the heart of the mother of Moses, and she would indeed have disclosed all about him had We not endowed her heart with enough strength to keep alive her faith [in Our promise].” [28:10]
Later on she’s getting scared. She wants to run out and find her child, she would disclose his identity, get him killed and probably herself too in the process, but she’s so worried, so fearful for her child, but it is God’s Mercy that gets her through this.
No one told you that patience would be easy. No one said that doing the right thing would be a walk in the park. No one told you that avoiding sin would be the fun thing to do. No one told you that wanting to be quiet when you have to speak up would be convenient. No one said that.
Realize that your faith is what will steel you for the challenges you face. That you are not alone in a struggle to do the right thing, that you’re not alone in worrying about starting to pray, or to fast, or to start taking on more responsibilities, you’re not the first, nor will you be the last person to be worried, to feel the strain on your patience, to feel like you’re bursting at the seams.
The point here is to stay the course, to remember that this will be tough, but this is what is best, for you, for those around you, and for your destiny.
"Grieve not: verily, God is with us." [9:40]
Every time you are afraid. Every time you are nervous. Every time you have knots in your stomach. Every time your heart hurts, remember, God is with you.
The romance industry conflates finding love with looking a certain way, and it’s hard even for the strongest of us not to internalize messages about the way we look. And worse, these messages are normalized. Just think of things people say when they are getting ready to date someone: ‘He’s cute,’ ‘He’s short,’ ‘He’s kind of chubby,’ ‘He’s tall and fine.’ Or men: ‘I prefer slender girls,’ ‘I’m not really into fat girls,’ ‘I prefer Asian chicks,’ and on and on. It is completely acceptable to say the most appalling things about the way people look when it comes to dating, and if someone is called out for it, their opinion becomes a matter of ‘preference.’What gets ignored in calling this level of categorization ‘just preference’ is a history and culture of mainstream advertising that impacts our psychology, causing us to actually want to respond to certain things over others. It’s hardly a coincidence that people are attracted to images of femininity that have been beaten into their psyches….We are taught to prefer certain things over others, and when we repeatedly see the same exaggerated images of femininity and masculinity, we internalize a specific standard of beauty and begin to strive for it unconsciously. Considering the exaggerated nature of these kinds of images, preference is not really a ‘preference’; it is more like a culturally sanctioned fetish.
Let’s stop with the “FIFA lifts hijab ban” nonsense. FIFA didn’t lift the “hijab ban”. FIFA lifted a ban on all religious headgear being worn in games, including the hijab, the turban, and the yarmulke.
Is it just the media obsession with Muslim women that makes the world ignore/remain unaware that these bans also oppress followers of other religions?